I was hesitant about writing this because I am terrified of coming off sounding like Samantha Brick, although my angle is not that people hate me because I’m beautiful. It’s more that Present Bron thinks Past Bron is a jerk for not going on a date with this dude.
However, in Past Bron’s defence, when I met this guy we had absolutely no chemistry. Minus chemistry. I remember it as a brief, awkward encounter that WOULD NOT END. That sensation may have been heightened due to the fact that it occurred in the Uni bar while I was completely sober and that right there is a guaranteed bad night. He was also wearing a t shirt that said ‘Dungeon Master’, make of that what you will. It was such a clumsy interaction that I not only withheld my phone number, but also my personal email. I told him he could contact me through the email address used for submissions at the Uni paper I worked on. Past Bron was a dick.
Anyway, turns out this guy thought our conversation went much better than I did and he quite bravely sent me an email to the Uni paper address which I, in my extreme asshole-ry, had directed him to. And it was AWESOME. And when I replied in a non-commital fashion like a weener, he sent me another (with rhyming poetry!). And then ANOTHER.
All three were comic strips that he had made accompanied by sweet, self-deprecating and hilarious messages. If only real guy had been as entertaining as internet guy! Had we never met in person and he lived in the States somewhere we probably would have gotten married. But instead I made some transparent excuse about being SO BUSY that I just didn’t have time. In retrospect, a terrible decision, but at the time I just couldn’t bear the possibility of revisiting the awkwardness without even the safety-net of the Uni bar to provide distractions like, “Is that couple on the dancefloor having sex?” or “I have to go to the bathroom, someone just threw up on me.”
In any case, here is the greatest way someone ever tried and failed at asking me on a date:
Yes, this happened way back in 2006 and, yes, I saved the emails. Let’s face it, I was probably at my peak and it’s unlikely that any strangers will ever write me comics again. But this one homeless guy did look at me the other day while holding a sign that read, “You look pretty.” I guess I will just have to be happy with that now that my glory days are over. SIGH.